When Compliments Becomes a Trap

Proverbs 29:5 (NKJV)“A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.”

When I was growing up, if I wanted something from my parents, I would sometimes say something especially nice to them. Every now and then it worked—but many times, my mother would say, “Flattery will get you nowhere.”

Many years later, as I grew in my walk with the Lord and began to understand Scripture more deeply, I realised there is an important difference between a genuine compliment and flattery.

A sincere compliment is given to encourage or honour someone. Flattery, however, often has something hidden behind it. Proverbs describes it as a net spread for someone's feet. A net is not placed there to bless an animal—it is placed there to catch it.

That is the picture Solomon is giving us.

Flattery can be smooth, pleasant and appealing, but underneath those attractive words there may be a hidden agenda. Someone may say exactly what we want to hear in order to gain our trust, our favour, our agreement, or something else from us.

The danger is that flattery can make us feel secure when we should actually be discerning. It can appeal to our pride and make us less cautious. We may become so pleased with the praise that we stop asking, “Why is this person saying these things to me? What is their motive?”

Not every kind word is a trap. Not every compliment is dishonest. There are people who genuinely see something good in us, and simply want to encourage us. We should be able to receive sincere encouragement with gratitude.

But as children of God, we also need discernment.

Proverbs 14:15 says, “The simple believes every word, but the prudent considers well his steps.”

We don't have to become suspicious of everyone who says something kind to us. But neither should we allow flattering words to guide our decisions—that is called manipulation—and we all know what the word of God says about manipulation … it is witchcraft, therefore an abomination to our Father! We need to learn to listen beyond the words, and allow the Holy Spirit to give us wisdom.

One of the safest ways to guard our hearts, is to remember where every good thing in our lives ultimately comes from. When someone praises us, we can quietly give the glory back to God. Whatever gifts, abilities, wisdom, opportunities or accomplishments we have, are ultimately gifts of God’s grace.

1 Corinthians 4:7 reminds us: “And what do you have that you did not receive?”

This is good advise from Paul to keep our hearts humble.

We don't need to be lifted up by praise, and we don't need to be crushed by criticism. Our identity must be anchored in Jesus Christ rather than in what people say about us. This is something I think many struggle with—what people say about us. Remember that words have power and it can be crushing. Be careful what you say to others!

So today, receive genuine encouragement with a grateful heart—but keep your spiritual discernment awake.

Ask the Lord to help you recognise the difference between encouragement that builds you up, and flattery that only seek to use you!

May we never be so hungry for approval that we step blindly into a trap. Our worthiness comes from God and Him alone. Yet, may we never become so suspicious that we cannot receive genuine kindness either.

A discerning heart listens, a humble heart gives God the glory, and a wise heart watches where every path is leading.

Prayer:

Lord, give me wisdom and discernment in the words I hear and the relationships I have. Help me to recognise what is genuine and what may have a hidden motive. Keep my heart humble when I am praised and secure when I am not. May I never allow the approval of people to become more important than Your approval. Help me to walk wisely, listen carefully, and keep my eyes fixed on You.

In Jesus' powerful Name I pray, Amen!